Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
