Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
