Old men and throwing up are my life now.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You did what with his pubic hair?
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