i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
