it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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