how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize