I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
