Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
