I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
