Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
