Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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