when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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