i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
