No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
