He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
