Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
