I think my vagina is haunted
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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