So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
nutella sex= disaster
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
