Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
