don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
