she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
