remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
