Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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