i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
