So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
