Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't turn off my feet"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
