I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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