I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she pinky promised me she was 18
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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