You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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