You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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