THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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