His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
