Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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