Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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