She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
