Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
