Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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