Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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