and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
