Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
