i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
