I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
