Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
