I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
