so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, beer. Big fan.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
