Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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