I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
