Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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