just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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