I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
