Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Randomize
