It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
