What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
