My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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